My candidates included Tom Petty’s Last Dance With Mary Jane and Thriller by Michael Jackson. But so very obviously, the best music video ever has got to be Hello by Lionel Richie. First of all, it’s an actual little movie with dialogue and everything. Lionel’s a…I want to say college professor? And he’s got a creepy stalker crush on a blind student, which is all very Mary Kay Letourneau but somehow okay here. The climax, and best part, is when Blind Chick finally spins around the sculpture she’s been working on and a horrible monster is revealed. “This is how I see you,” she explains, and it looks nothing like him. Granted, she is blind. It actually reminds me of when I got a caricature done once and everyone else before me looked exactly like their drawing and then in mine I had devil eyes and weird teeth and it made me seriously depressed. Unlike me, however, Professor Richie takes this slap in the horribly grotesque face of clay like a champ and is totally down with it. The music video is all around awesome and very, very 80’s and the best part is that the video actually compliments a great song.

I say the all time greatest music video is "Freak on a Leash" by Korn. (I don't know how to type a backwards "R"...anyone?) This video is awesome for a couple of reasons.

• The Cinematography is great.
• What's better than following a bullet as it passes through everything in its path? It's like a super magic bullet. I suspect this is the same bullet that killed JFK. I'm surprised Oliver Stone hasn't looked into this. Although it looks like he is too busy making movies about bisexual ancient Greek kings
• The video starts in animation and tells a (quick) story about a kid playing hopscotch...on the edge of a cliff. For some reason this makes the security guard (cop?) really mad. He angrily runs after her instead of just trying to help her. Eventually he falls (I suppose he is clumsy) and drops his gun...and it shoots her in the back. Then the real video starts.
• There is plenty of slow motion destruction (you know how I feel about slow mo!)
• The song is wicked awesome

That pretty much makes it the most awesomeset video ever. Either that or "You Can Call me Al" by Paul Simon. I mean...it's got Chevy Chase making funny faces!!!!

I will choose to eradicate Clay Aiken. He makes me want to break his glasses and then punch him in the freckles. I also think he looks like a girl named Megan. The thing is, he’d actually be more tolerable as a full-blown Liberace-style queen. Own the gay, Clay. And also grow a sense of humor. And also stop singing. And then also? Stop singing.

Ironically I chose Simon Cowell. So it appears the Wilson kids don't like American Idol much. The reason I chose Simon Cowell is just because he is responsible for all that garbage. I don't really have anything against him personally. In fact, I like people with British accents. Especially if they are cranky all the time. I just don't like the show. I also would like to get rid of anyone who dates Scarlett Johannson.

Without a doubt, the greatest TV character ever is George Costanza (a.k.a. Art Vandelay). The reasons are numerous and self evident, but I will name the first three things that come to my head – he’s got a bed under his desk, he’s got beautiful hands, and has, on his answering machine, possibly the best outgoing message ever recorded.

I can't argue much with George Costanza. He is pretty good. And it is hard to argue with Abby on television characters because she is more knowledgeable on that topic. She is wrong though. The obvious greatest character is MacGyver. Think about it. He had a mullet. He hated violence. He hurt his hand every time he punched someone (only when he HAD to punch someone, he didn't like to do it. Because he hated violence). He worked for some mysterious company called The Phoenix Foundation, which for some reason spent its time and resources fighting crime. Basically, MacGyver is a super hero, but real. Oh yeah...I almost forgot...HE COULD DIFFUSE A NUCLEAR WEAPON WITH SILLY STRING AND A BANANA. Even with all that...there is a chance he wasn't as awesome as Murdoc. I'll never forget the episode when MacGyver had to go through a bunch of problem solving quizzes and booby traps at Murdoc's house. Outstanding. Thanks to Wikipedia, here is a List of Problems Solved by Macgyver.

Labels: 3 Questions, Abby Wilson, Music, TV