Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The 1990's produced a prolific amount of forgettable songs, and even more unfortunate, a ghastly amount of songs we WISH we could forget. "Tubthumping," from the regrettably named Chumbawumba, and Aqua's "Barbie Girl" are chief among them. However, I feel compelled to state that my very least favorite song of the 90's happens to also be my least favorite song of all time. I award this dubious honor to a little ditty penned by Los Del Rio, circa the personally very awkward year of 1995: the Macarena. There are oh, so many features to hate about this song. Its unimaginative repetition of both lyric and melody, its accompanying unattractive dance moves, its unbelievable frequency of play and subsequent mind-boggling popularity. But, perhaps you loved this song. Perhaps you knew and memorized all of its lyrics, or even any of them other than the word "macarena." Perhaps you enjoyed your hands firmly planted on the crown of your head as you playfully swung your hips from side to side. If any of these statements ring even the tiniest of bells of truth within you, I am certain you and I cannot be friends.

The worst song of the 1990's is hard to nail down to be honest. But that's true about every decade I suppose. There is really one song that jumps out at me though. It's called "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something. The song is catchy enough, so I can't fault it there. But what gets me are the lyrics. How terrible those lyrics are!! We'll just take a look at the chorus:

And I said, What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?
She said, I think I remember that film
Yes, I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it
well, I guess, that's one thing we've got!

So your relationship is based on the fact that you may or may not have watched a movie together. And you thought only it was an OK movie? Really? Now if the songwriter had a history of "storytelling" then I can see how this would fly...but this is just some loser talking about his ex-girlfriend. Miserable lyrics. MISERABLE. On the plus side...you now have that song in your head! hahahahahaha.

I don't have any great, or even good, athletic moments, although I did once score 100% of my basketball team's points in a single game. (We lost 40-1) I have many more moments where I felt like I was going to be really athletic and it turned out that I was very, very wrong. In fact, I can't even barely round corners without banging my shoulders. Even recently, I displayed an incredible lack of athletic ability at my place of work. Since I'm currently working on Rob & Big (MTV! Tuesday! 10:30! Watch it!), we have skateboards all around the office. On nice, stable, comfy carpet I enjoyed standing on the board and systematically convincing myself over a period of several weeks that not only could I skate like a pro, I could do a myriad of tricks. One afternoon I was called into another office for a meeting. "Great," I thought. "I'll just roll right on over. I'm just eyeballing it, but it looks like the other doorway is, oh…12 inches away. No problem." Naturally, everyone else had accumulated in the other room already and all eyes were on me as I began my foot -long journey. Exactly one inch off the safety of the carpet, I found myself, as cartoon characters often do, hovering momentarily about four feet off the ground, legs curiously splayed above my head. I met with the ground rather quickly. With all of my friends and co-workers watching in horror, I quickly hopped up and assured them I was fine. Sadly, I felt obliged to prove this point by once again stepping onto the board, and once again experiencing my painful trip to the concrete. Amid sharp inhalations and hands-to-mouths from those watching, I abandoned the skateboard and gingerly took my seat at the meeting. Thankfully, my ego doesn't bruise as easily as my elbow.

This is a tough one to be honest. I have had so many great athletic moments in my life. There is the time that I got hit in the stomach by a pitch...during warm ups. There is the time that I got a volleyball smashed off my face. And of course, there are the times where I get badly injured during every game I play. But none of those are my moment of athletic glory. No, that is reserved for the time I played wiffle ball in my grandmother's back yard.

The year was 1989 (maybe) and the family was out playing ball. We had a bunch of people playing wiffle ball in the backyard. Someone hit the ball over the 4 foot high chain link fence, so I opted to climb over and get it. I successfully traversed the fence, retrieved the ball, and threw it back to Mickey, my cousin's boyfriend at the time. I bounded back up the fence when Mickey yelled, "Hey Adam! Catch!" He threw the ball to me. Now...you should know that I take a lot of pride in my defense in that I let nothing past me. So I reached up to catch the ball. There was no way I was letting it back over the fence! I grabbed the ball...and went tumbling down the other side of the fence, landing on my head.

After I woke up, I proudly stood, displayed the ball that I was still holding, and continued the game. Or I possibly cried and ran to my mom. It was definitely one of the two.

First of all, I assume you are excluding the Bible. I am going to have to further warp the title of "Greatest Book Ever" to mean, "Greatest Book Ever (excluding the Bible) That You Have Read In The Past Five To Ten Years and Really Enjoyed But Is Probably Not Even On The Radar In Terms Of Greatest Books Ever In The Entire History Of The Written Word, However You Liked It Anyway." That being said, I'd have to go with "Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers," by Mary Roach. Ms. Roach is a former travel journalist who decided to write a book about what happens to your body after you die. Or rather, what CAN happen to your body if you donate it to science. Severed heads, plastic surgery practice, crash testing, grave robbing – it is all extremely fascinating and somehow very, very humorous. But, you don't have to take my word for it!

{take a look...it's in a book...it's Reading Rainbow!}

The greatest book of all time is Matilda, by Roald Dahl. It's got everything! A smart protagonist? Check (Matilda). A terrible antagonist? Check (Ms. Trunchbull). Hilarity? Check (When Matilda makes Ms. Trunchbull think there is a ghost in the room. heee heee!) A hero? Check (Ms. Honey...the only person who believed in Matilda.) Also, I think the ending was good...but I forgot it.

If that is not the greatest book of all-time, then "The Kid Who Only Hit Homers", by Matt Christopher, is. You see...the kid couldn't hit the ball. Then some weird guy who was always watching the boy when he practiced alone helped him out. He would come over to the kids house every day and practice. Naturally the kid's parents were not there. Then they would go to the ball park and sit under the bleachers together....ohhh...ooooo...this is awkward...I didn't realize until now the book was about a pedophile...yikes...

I guess I'll go with Matilda

Labels: 3 Questions, Abby Wilson, Books, Music

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 6:03 PM :: 0 comments

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Ball Park Reviews

Below are links to the Ball Parks I have gone to, and reviewed, since Digressions In Abundance began.

Angel Stadium (Anaheim, CA)
AT&T Park (San Francisco, CA)
Fifth Third Field (Dayton, OH)




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Labels: Ball Park Tour

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 12:35 AM :: 0 comments

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Monday, June 18, 2007

Customer Service

Today I had 2 significant customer service problems. This is my story:

Premier Heating & Cooling
Our A/C is broken, it won't cool down lower than 78. It was 94 degrees outside today and apparently my home is in such a location that it gathers all the heat like a stove, cooking whatever is inside. I don't think my dog likes it right now. Anyway, the maintenance people were going to show up from 1:00-3:00. Fair enough. They also were going to call.

Fast forward to 3:15 as I called the "home office". I was told they are still on their last job and will be over as soon as they can. They will call. And this time they did call...at 4:00...telling me they would get there in 30 minutes. For those keeping score at home, this is 1.5 hours late.

The guys came in to look at my stuff (they were very nice by the way). It was determined that my belt on my furnace is almost torn through and is loose. The belt was tightened down. A new belt was ordered. A check on the A/C unit itself showed all levels where they are supposed to be. I was told that fixing the belt most likely fixed the problem but they will "bring out a new one" just to make sure. We turned the A/C back on and they left. I watched the temperature drop!! All the way to 78, where it hovered, eventually creeping back up to 81. So it is still broken. I have no idea when the new magic belt will be here. I can't wait. I'm sure it will totally fix the temperature problem. In the meantime...my house is HOT. I think I might shave my dog.

Target
After the A/C debacle I was obviously not very happy. I figured this would be a good time to give Target a call. You see, after we got married we came back home and took a trip to Target to buy all the things from our registry that we did not get. No problem. We go in, make our purchases, and get out.

Two weeks later we get a card from Target saying "Congratulations! Here is a 10% off coupon for you to use to complete your registry!" oh man...I chuckled...that's bad timing!! We already did that. We'll just call them up and have them give us a gift card for the 10% back. No problem. WRONG.

I called today and was told (after I finally got to the right person), "sorry, that coupon is for the day of the purchase only. I can't make any past adjustments." "WHAT?!?! I exclaimed! You send me this card 2 weeks after the wedding and now you won't give me my money back? I don't get it." She said, "Well, Mr. Wilson, that is our policy and I can't do anything about it."

I then told her, "We have personally spent quite a bit of money at Target in the past year. We bought all of our household things there. We registered at Target for almost every item we wanted. We had 3 bridal showers and a wedding. We are directly responsible for well over $1000 of purchases at Target." Then she interrupted, "blah blah blah". But I cut her off, "Let Me Finish", I thundered. {editors note: that was fun to say!}. I then continued, "And now you are telling me that after we spent ALL that money, you won't refund me $25? Is that right?"

To make a long story longer - she talked to her supervisoer and we went over to Target and Andrea gave us a $22 gift card.

Honestly, it shouldn't have been that hard. They were almost willing to lose a steady customer like us over $22. $22!!

All in all, a rather frustrating day. Let's hope a furnace drive belt is sitting on my porch tomorrow. Wanna make some bets?

Labels: Customer Service, Target

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 11:04 PM :: 0 comments

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SSNN - All My Contributions

I have 2 new entries for Serious Sports News Network.

You can find the links to my articles below, but I also recommend reading the other ones too.

Bowden Trying to Re-create Reds

Rivera Blowing Games Deliberately

July 27, 2007 - Rex Grossman in "Mid-Season Form

July 1, 2007 - Wie Quits Dinner, Enters Eating Contest

June 29, 2007 - New Racing Organization to Debut Saturday

June 25, 2007 - Wimbledon Field Forfeits to Federer & Nadal

June 21, 2007 - Stanley Cup to Go Under Knife

June 20, 2007 - Ferry Blames James

June 12, 2007 - NBA Officials Send Wade to the Line

June 9, 2007 - Goodell Lets Loose on the Radio

Labels: DIA News, Other Writings, SSNN

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 7:00 PM :: 0 comments

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Friday, June 15, 2007

TV Themes

I was wondering what the greatest TV theme of all time is, and I need your help. There are a couple rules to this game though:

1. The song must have been written implicitly for the show. For example: this excludes the CSI shows because those are The Who songs.


2. It actually has to be a well written/performed song. This excludes shows like "Saved By the Bell". Although that song is awesome; it is really only awesome for sentimental value

I think that's all the rules.

sooooo...what do you think? Leave a comment and we'll come back and tally them up later.

PLEASE VOTE IN THE COMMENTS!!!!

Labels: TV, Vote

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 6:25 PM :: 0 comments

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Make More Interest With Your Savings Account

Sorry...this isn't a particularly funny topic. It's not not funny, but certainly not hilarious.

Anyway...I am writing today to talk about Online Savings Accounts. Basically there aren't very many good excuses to not be taking advantage of these. We use E*Trade for ours and we get 5.05% on it. This is (obviously) way better than the 3.1-3.3% we get for our Fifth Third savings account.

The nice thing about these accounts are that they are pretty liquid. It doesn't take long at all...a day at the most...to transfer funds back and forth. But you get the same high rates that a CD would get you. But CD's aren't liquid...at least not without paying a heavy fee.

Like I said before, we use E*Trade...but there are a bunch of good ones out there, like HSBC & ING.

It's real nice to see the interest deposits be so much, especially when they weren't nearly as much before. It really is worth it to check out because it is basically free money for a small amount of effort. You won't be disappointed.

Labels: Finances, money, Online Savings Accounts

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 12:27 AM :: 0 comments

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Chris Henry via Cincy Jungle

I was reading through some posts from the must read Bengals blog Cincy Jungle and he comments on my previous comments on Chris Henry, in this blog. He says:

Then, when you drive home today, watch and see how many people that turn actually use their turn signal. My guess is that you will find more that don't than you find that do. Digression in abundance makes the point that using your turn signal, "is the law." DIA, is 100% correct. But it's not a very solid point to make against Henry or Lewis. Of course it's the law.. one that many don't abide by and one that many don't see enforced... unless you're looking for a reason to pull someone over. Driving with a suspended driver's license with DUI infractions, is a very serious offense and would satisfy the argument if it was laid out there initially. And it's not too terribly uncommon for cops to call in plates at random while on the road. Profiling? No. But the cop went after a man with a suspended license for a DUI offense. Of course, I don't know if that was the sequence of events. And using the "didn't use turn signal" citation couldn't have been used in Cincinnati. You're asking a city, with recent history of civil unrest, to become well aware of big brother.

These are valid points and Kirkendall makes a good argument...but I just don't understand why it makes it OK for someone to break the law...just because other people do? That's rather circular, no?

I also wonder if this person was not a super awesome WR for the Bengals what people would say. If someone laid out all the evidence of all the crimes he has committed, and it was just some random person...I doubt anyone would be fighting this hard for Henry. There would be a story on Channel 5 about some loser who keeps getting in significant trouble. People would just shake their head and mutter about him being a total idiot...then move on.

Also, on a side note...I rarely see people not using their turn signals. In fact, it is so rare that I am surprised when it happens. It's just second nature while driving.

I also know Kirkendall is not defending Henry's actions...just making a point to make people think. That is a good thing.

Labels: Chris Henry, Cincinnati Bengals, Cincy Jungle

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 12:34 AM :: 0 comments

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Saturday, June 9, 2007

Homer Bailey

The Reds are saved!!!!

Well...I don't know about that, but Bailey looked pretty good for a debut start. He was a little wild, amassing 114 pitches in 5 innings, but not bad.

There looked to be some frustration on his face on some of his better pitches that were fouled off or taken for balls. You could tell he wasn't used to hitters making contact or having that good of an eye. I promise you he has never faced a hitter as talented as Travis Hafner...but he did a pretty good job.

He also handled himself at the plate pretty well...took a great play by Barfield to get him.

The stadium was wild and the fans were excited to be there. Too bad it won't be like that tonight.

Rumor has it that Bailey will be pitching next Thursday's day game against the Angels. Man...after facing the Indians and the Angels he is going to think the National League is cake!

Let's hope he can reign in the wildness a bit and win some games for the Reds. Here's a video of the last batter he faced; a strikeout with the bases loaded:

Labels: Baseball, Cincinnati Reds, Homer Bailey

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 9:09 AM :: 0 comments

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Friday, June 8, 2007

My New Gig

I recently got a new gig writing for another website. The site is called: http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/.

This is a "fake news" site, a la The Onion. There are a number of different writers who contribute the news stories of various cleverness.

Some of the writers tend to be a bit crude, which I generally think is a cheap way to get a joke. But generally it is pretty funny. They don't attribute each story to a particular writer, which I think would be a good idea. It would allow people to find their "favorite" writers and make sure they read them

My first post can be read here.

I will have another project that I will be writing for as well, probably in the near future. I will update you on that when it comes around.

Labels: DIA News

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 2:22 PM :: 0 comments

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Monday, June 4, 2007

Leaving (Las) Charleston

Yesterday Mikah and I ended our trip to Charleston, SC. I figured all my loyal readers would want to read about our time spent in the airport.

The Charleston airport is kind of junky. It is very small. It only has 2 concourses, and each of those have 5 gates. So a total of 10 gates. CVG has 42,000 gates. I belive Atlanta has 1 million gates. I've not been there though.

So we got to the airport and pulled our rental car into the rental car lot. Yes, the singular rental car lot. They fit every company in one lot, probably 300 cars or something. Very small.

Then we went through the check in system, and made our way over to our gate, A4. It was difficult to find, because it was not labeled very well. Anyway, I went to the restaurant to grab some lunch. I got a mini-pizza and a fountain drink. Being an airport, it cost me $32.13 + a pint of my blood. I went to fill up my drink and they were all out. Every button I pressed just spit out carbonated water. I went back to inform the lady of the error. She was not pleased. You see, "I am here all by myself today. It is really hard for me to get everything done that needs to get done." Then she stared at me. ummm...what does she want me to do? Go in the back and do it myself? Tell her to forget about it...just keep my money? I decided on option 3: wait for her to do something. She angrily blew air our of her nose (sanitary!!) and went to the back. By the way - my dog does the same thing when he is upset at something. But he is a DOG! So she comes back and says, "there...you can go get your drink now." Like I am the one who caused the problem. You know...I don't think I experienced any "Southern Charm" while I was down there. Maybe I give off a vibe. I guess I figured Mikah's vibe would cancel out my bad ones. Apparently not.

So I went back to my seat to eat my gross pizza and drink my gross drink. Luckily I got to hear about some guy's plans for that night as he discussed it with everyone he called. It seems Loud Phone Guy is on his way to Boston soon after his 21st birthday and he plans to "tear it up." Whatever that means. He called no less than 3 people asking them what they were doing tonight. "Dude...what's up...what are we doing tonight? What? No...come on? Dude...we've got to tear it up! You only turn 21 once! (editors note: but what about the rest of your life? It's not like you are only allowed to tear it up on your 21st birthday) Yeah dude...we are going out big. Alright...I'll call you when I get in. Peace." LPG proceeded to make this same call 2 more times. I hope he gets free weekends on his cell phone. I also hope no one on the plane beat him senseless for being an obnoxious jerk. That said...I also hope he was successful at tearing it up.

Eventually we got on the plane and found our seats. Back row right by the toilet! Hurray!! After our bumpy flight home we got back to Cincy and walked through a real airport. Not some 3rd class tiny airport. Charleston didn't even have LCD monitors showing where each gate was headed. I figured that was required now. Apparently not. I also saw a cart pulling luggage headed for a plane and when the driver turned, someone's golf clubs came tumbling off the cart. Apparently nobody noticed a golf club carrier rolling around the tarmac. That golfer is not going to be pleased when he gets to his favorite golf course in the whole world to play a round and his clubs didn't make it. Also, they probably got run over by a plane.

Anyway...now the trip is over and we are headed back to real life.

It's good to be home.

Labels: Charleston, Mikah

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 1:42 AM :: 0 comments

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Friday, June 1, 2007

Fort Sumter

Yesterday Mikah and I went on a sightseeing tour (still in Charleston) and took a boat ride out to Fort Sumter. For those who don't know the whole story of Fort Sumter: It's a Fort. Named after Sumter (I assume). It is where the Civil War started (kind of). For more details you can click here.

We drove down to Mt. Pleasant and bought our tickets for the ride ($28). We stood in line and I thought to myself about how it didn't seem like a lot of people were there. Excellent!!! As we boarded the boat some girl took a picture of us, most likely to sell to us later. The photo was in front of a green screen though. I was hoping they would place us in front of a dragon's lair with my leg up on the dragon's headless corpse. Just in case I raised my leg up like Captain Morgan, assuming they will do all the digital work later and properly arrange everything.

We got on the boat and sat in the best seat, back corner where you could see everything around and still feel the ocean air. It was really nice. Our boat was parked right next to the USS Yorktown, which is a massive Aircraft Carrier. Really quite an impressive site. Here is a picture I took of it from our boat:



As we prepared to leave I heard one of the workers say, "We have to wait...the school field trip isn't here yet." WHAT?!?!? WHAT?!?!? NOOOOOOO. I can't imagine anything worse than a school field trip to accompany us on a cramped boat to a cramped island.

Sure enough, they showed up and chattered and made noise the entire trip. No respect for the history of the place.

We finally took off from port and headed across the harbor. Mikah and I both saw a fin in the water, and a humped back as the fin dove under the water. I can only assume it was a shark. Maybe a dolphin. Mikah made sure to alert the 60 people on boat that maybe there was a shark. "OOOO...A SHARK! ADAM, A SHARK!!," she exclaimed. This, obviously, is not usually great news for most people. A couple people turned around in terror, probably picturing the scene from Jaws where Robert Shaw gets bitten in half. The rest of the people probably couldn't hear because of the stupid loud kids.

We got to Fort Sumter and listened to Tour Guide Brent tell the history of the fort. TGB did a great job. He gave a pretty complete history and kept it entertaining. He made jokes and everything. Also, as an added bonus, I didn't detect any overt racism (although, how hard is it to detect overt anything?). He did make one joke about how they had to build up the island with sand and stone from New Jersey..."so it may be of concern to you people that you are indeed standing on Northern soil. he he he." WOW. Come on people. The Civil War was 300 years ago. LET IT GO. I think I heard someone gasp. Ironically, the South is where all the American support comes from now a days. They should make up their mind.

Anyway - after TGB gave his speech Mikah and I walked around the Fort. It's pretty neat. It's cool to see all the things that are original. That kind of stuff is always really interesting. It's really cool to see the original flag that flew there and to see some original canon shot. We also saw some pictures and quotes from Abner Doubleday, he fired the first shot in defense of the Fort. But who cares...he invented baseball! Yea for baseball!!

Sadly there were no sharks on the way back to port. There were, however, loud kids. When we got back we passed the little place where people were buying pictures of themselves. YES! This is it! This is my dragon conquering picture! But it wasn't. It was just a stupid picture of us in front of For Sumter. For $20. No thanks lady. I'll just go print my own picture of us at Fort Sumter for 15 cents. I would have paid for the dragon picture though.

It was a cool place. I'm glad we went. I'd recommend it for anyone interested in history. Or anyone who is on a honeymoon with someone who is interested in history. Either way.

Labels: Charleston, Fort Sumter, Mikah

Posted by Adam Wilson :: 7:59 PM :: 0 comments

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